You'll never believe it.

Posted by Melvin on Saturday, 10 January 1998, at 12:56 p.m.


The dang fool Tommy Lee Jones clones got drunk, took a black helicopter to Copenhagen, and beheaded the Little Mermaid. Then the dang fools dumped forty pounds of green pez down her throat and attempted to interrogate her.

When they sobered up they sent #451 to leave her head at a public building.

What a bunch of flippin' morons, eh?

Sucks to be them!

Shhh. It's some kind of conspiracy.



Not us, we were in Bora Bora . . .

Posted by Not a clone on Saturday, 10 January 1998, at 4:45 p.m.



...tracking down rumors of a Richie clone. (If anyone is going to be cloning around here it is going to be us.)

All evidence points to the First Cat. Authorities have found paw prints, but are keeping it hush-hush to avoid an international incident.

Besides, the black helicopters that don't exist would never had made it all the way to Copenhagen. We are running low on toilet paper.

Green Pez Forever!


You vile, pustulant excrement!

Posted by Melvin on Saturday, 10 January 1998, at 6:43 p.m.


Don't deny your involvement. I have you on video tape. You heard me. VIDEOTAPE! And I'm selling it to CBS. They'll air it too. 60 minutes baby!!!

Sixty Minutes!!!!


(We know you guys don't use toilet paper. We've seen your laundry.)


We deny having any knowledge of any alleged videotape . . .

Posted by CBS Broadcasting Corporation on Sunday, 11 January 1998


allegedly showing something that never happened. We will not broadcast any portion of the alleged videotape which doesn't exist. We deny any knowledge of Melvin or mermaids. Our scheduled show is listed below.

Tonight on 60 Minutes: Green Pez - The New Wonder Drug.

#322 - President, CBS


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