The following series of posts from the Rysher Highlander Forum explains the saga of Godiva and Leather Lad and Galatea and Melvin. Read on if you dare and you have a therapist on retainer.
An in-joke involving the Highlander forum
Posted by Galatea on Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 8:05 a.m.
Well, now. I recall that there was an incredible and long-term fru fest about Methos's toes. People went on and on about those sexy toes. It was toes, toes, and more toes! And all Methos's toes!
Well, months passed. Then on came "Stone of Scone." What did we see? A reclining Duncan, looking rumpled and tasty. Through a small hole in his sock peeped his own chubby little toe, wriggling seductively then returning to the inner realm of the sock.
Now, I personally believe that *someone* keeps the noble Mr. Paul informed of the activities upon the forum, and this little incident was his *teaser* to the forum ladies who waxed poetic about the Methos Toes.
It sure seemed like an in-joke to me.
Galatea, who's still waiting for the can of Spam to show up in the cupboard....that will remove all doubt.
Posted by Godiva, also of the Clan in a Can on Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 9:19 a.m.
The Trolls got their goats and a reference.
The Harem got their toes....sorta.
WE WANT OUR SPAM! PUT A CAN ON THAT BARGE.
(I don't suppose they can work a spam can or a skate key into that Kronos flashback? naw.)
Posted by Galatea on Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 9:36 a.m.
Submitted for your approval: A Galatea preview of what MAY happen on the final episode of the series.
Duncan, his arm around some big busted babe, makes for the door. To the new BKC who will take over his boy scout duties in the new series, he says, "I hope you'll feel free to use the barge as your home base whenever you're in Paris. It's been a special place for me." A tear comes to his highland eye, and the big busted babe kisses it away. "Carlotta and I are going to spend some time on holy ground. Maybe we'll see you around."
Carlotta, the big busted babe, gives the new BKC a lascivious look and a wink. "It might be a while," she coos in a husky, seductive voice.
The kilt boy grins from ear to ear in boyish expectation and gives her a squeeze in a well rounded portion of her anatomy. (This will probably be viewable in Euro minutes only. Sigh.)
The new BKC shuts the door behind the lovers as they leave and wanders to the kitchen. She opens the broom closet door and shrieks at the unexpected and unexplainable sight she beholds. It is Leather Lad, an open can of spam clenched in his hand, dipping out a large pink mound of the mysterious meat with his fingers. He grins his evil grin as he licks the mysterious gelatinous goo from his fingers. His dark eyes glow with a maniacal glee. "mmmm, spammmmm," he grunts. "Not quite as good as ground monkey and crackers--but close.....very, very close."
Roll credits. (A twinkie wrapper flutters to the floor behind the new BKC.)
Posted by Godiva-
Since these are the Euros.
Is the new butt-kicking chick.....naked?
Why else would our Leather Lad have been attracted to the barge? Bwa ha ha ha.
Godiva -Polka-ing around in the altogether -- Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 4:41 p.m.
It's just what I wanted for Christmas. And early too.
Now I just have to decide if I'm gonna kick butt with a sword, rapier, or green pez.
And enough gratuitous butt-shots to make all the powers that be eat twinkies til the haggis come home!
Not Galatea -- Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 6:25 p.m.
It'll be like "Leader of the Pack" only with nudity, killer attack haggis, and leather clad house spouses.
In episode one, ButT kickin' Godiva faces Martha Stewart and the Ginsu Knives of Death! (The evil Martha tries to distract Godiva the Immortal Naked Women by making ice sculptures of nekkid horsemen....but she is not to be distracted....she's seen it all before...)
See the immortal haggis hurl themselves at Martha as she attempts to defend herself with whirling pastry cutters and vegetable sculptures....
Godiva (No, I do not want Lee Press-on nails. What are you thinking?) -- Sunday, 7 December 1997, at 8:09 p.m.
When you eliminate the euros we'll only have about seven and a half minutes of footage left for the American audiences.
Could be a problem for the marketing staff.
But hey. I'm ready. And I'm sure Leather Lad is up for it. (heh heh)
This week Martha...next week Hillary.
Can I do Ernest and Barney too?
How about Tommy Lee Jones for the two part Finale to Season I? We could call it "Don't Cry for Me Paraguay. In Truth I was Never There."
Galatea -- Monday, 8 December 1997, at 5:03 a.m.
I like it. And another song in the episode could be "Send in the Clones....Tommy Lee's clones....They have green pez in their hands....and Duct Tape galore. There's got to be clones....Yes Tommy Lee's clones...oh, bother! They're here!"
That could be in the interrogation scene where the Nekkid BKSpammer is duct taped to the chair and Leather Lad comes rushing in to save her and is beset by hundreds of Tommy Lee clones! Oooooo! The slaughter! The decapitated heads flying in all directions! The green pez would be symbolic of *something* I'm sure!
Godiva -BKS -- Monday, 8 December 1997, at 11:11 a.m.
Rescued by Leather Lad...my big strong hero.
Now, who's my watcher? Do I know him? Are we friends? (How good....oops, have to watch out for Leather Lad's feelings)
Do I have a theme song of my own? No Queen I think. Perhaps a Polka?
I think we can say for certain there are no tattoos on my body.
I like the thought of living on the barge. Hmm. What to do for a living?
My God! Where do I hide my sword?
Godiva --Monday, 8 December 1997, at 7:11 p.m.
I should have thought of it before.
I hide my sword in my hair. Where else?
As for my watcher? A nice, nondescript mild-mannered ex-school teacher from Minnesota who was unjustly fired for accidentally stabbing her superintendent in the chest with a pencil. Repeatedly.
Her experience dealing with sharp objects and the junior high mentality have made her prime recruiting material for the watchers. Her first assignment.....Paris! Gotta love 'em. Watch a naked lady and a guy in leather. Watch them a lot. Take notes. Lots of notes. Could be a movie deal here.
Who wants to eat green pez and twinkies when you can have éclairs?
Galatea-- Tuesday, 9 December 1997, at 4:56 a.m.
...just happens to be having a torrid love affair with Mel Gibson in his Lethal Weapon One incarnation! Oooh, Baby!
Of course, I do like Mel's Conspiracy Theory incarnation as well.
Do you think he and Leather Lad would hit it off? Leather Lad trying to behead Martin--Martin biting Leather Lad's nose. Hey, just like old times with the horsemen, eh?
Galatea, off to stab the Stupe....er....school....
Godiva -bowing before the master -- Tuesday, 9 December 1997, at 7:34 a.m.
You want Mel? You got him. Leather Lad thinks that is a way cool name for the Watcher's Love Interest. Although he does feel a strategically placed scar would greatly improve his appearance. We'll leave it up to you where.
LL thinks Mel is a very "bright boy" and could learn real fast. Likes his sense of humor too. Just make sure you two keep your mind on the business of "taking notes" of our every , and I do mean every, move. 24 hours a day. You wouldn't want to miss anything that could prove useful later, in the privacy of your own barge.
Who was that? Just passed by the porthole? Had the legs of that guy in Batman...Harvey something. What an ugly name. Leather Lad...our swords. We've work to do!
(*Would you get your pencil OUT of the K'Stupe's chest! How will we take notes if our writing utensil is embedded in the hide of a moron!*)
Posted by Galatea on Wednesday, 10 December 1997, at 4:52 a.m.
Posted by Galatea on Wednesday, 10 December 1997, at 7:43 p.m.
My life sucks. I may be about to become postal and homicidal. Two guesses as to who gets it in the chest with a #2 Dixon Trimline if I do!
Godiva! Remember the words "retribution and retaliation"? It's happening big time, babe! Lawyers are now involved.
Posted by Godiva (Hey! Heads up! We have butts to kick!) on Wednesday, 10 December 1997, at 8:43 p.m.
May I assume the excrement has hit the air circulation device and our beloved teacher's union representative is the object of hurl-ment?
Is the K'stupe after you? Does he have a pencil? Have you called your state and local union leaders for back -up?
Are you documenting everything? It will only make you look holy and righteous and them look lame and stupid.
Did the club soda get out the bloodstains?
Want a job in the sunny Southwest? Bring Mel, and notepad and a videocam.
I know where the green pez are coming from and it ain't pretty.
Posted by Galatea on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 4:39 a.m.
The excrement has indeed hit the air flow device.
The suits are involved. Doan mess wid da Teamsters, baby!
I have my artillery in a line.
The hardest thing was that we had our Christmas party last night--in a historic Civil War Era restaurant. Hanging on the wall, right above my head, was an authentic civil war saber. Seated at a table immediately to my right was Pencil Man. Oooooh, the temptation. One quick, clean slice and the meaty plop of an empty head in the middle of the buffet table.
The gods smiled though, and I won the biggest door prize. Whoo hoo!
Right is on my side. This evil avatar of Ahriman will not prevail.
God help him. (Preferably out the door.)
(*Yes, Melvin honey, THAT helps too.*)
Posted by Godiva (Hold that thought, Leather Lad) on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 5:46 p.m.
Keep taking notes. Stay very close to the teamster of your choice. They fear the teamsters. Jimmy just had lunch with Elvis last week.
Glad to see you and Melvin getting along so well. Maybe we could double.
Posted by Galatea, reading the hand writing on the wall..... on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 6:11 p.m.
We've already planned our "Lamp Shade Party". If you happen to be in the area....you and leather lad are welcome to attend. Hee hee.
Egads. I have to go. Melvin has filled the tub with ice water and 62 packages of cherry jello.
(* I hope you realize that YOU are cleaning up this mess. Hmmm. Yes, I do believe there is some Redi-Whip in the refrigerator. No, there is not enough room in the tub for Leather Lad and Godiva too. No. Not Tommy Lee either.*)
Sorry. I seem to be very busy.
Posted by Godiva (No, you may *not* take the monkeys) on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 7:01 p.m.
Beautiful Minnesota in the dead of Winter.
What am I thinking?
Yeah, Minnesota in January is tempting. And that lampshade is so my color! Would I have to wear anything else?
Would the presence of Leather Lad and myself stifle Melvin's and your creativity?
Could I have my own pencil?
Posted by Not Galatea on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 8:12 p.m.
Clothing is always optional and body painting is encouraged. I'd like to see Leather lad's lampshade. Surely something in black leather, with studs?
Melvin is excited about the prospect of monkeys. He loves monkeys. (Same basic level of maturity, I think.) This fascination with green olives is getting a bit odd though. He's trying to "walk" them across his toes--like some people walk quarters across their knuckles. He wants to know if leather lad likes olives.
(*NO!!! Don't send the S.O.B. any more pizzas! 16 is enough for tonight. Okay....I suppose you can go pee in his bushes again. Wait. Let me finish this liter of coke and I'll go too. Yeah, you can write a message in the snow if you don't sign it!*)
Gotta go. Apparently we are going to write some hate mail in the snow.. Hee hee.
Not G. And Not Melvin neither
Posted by Godiva (OK. But you're paying for the pet carriers. And tipping the porters) on Thursday, 11 December 1997, at 8:45 p.m.
We can't resist a clothing optional household. You hit the lampshade on the head, but don't forget the fringe. He's so cute in a lampshade and nothing else.
We love green olives and have found some very creative ways of expressing ourselves with them. If Melvin has trouble walking the olives have him practice with those little baby peeled carrots and work himself down.
Leather Lad is looking forward to meeting Melvin. Wants to know if he likes to play poker and eat fried chicken. (Is he a bad poker player? This would be a plus) Melvin likes monkeys? How does he feel about horses? Face paint? Armor? Kilts? Maybe we best not go there.
Uh-oh. Leather Lad is searching the fridge for olives and I know we don't have any. Or carrots. God knows what he'll come up with. We're out of Peanut Butter and M & M's too. All the staples. I may have to do a grocery run now that the boys are with Flounder. I can live we that. Peacefully. We might even get to put tinsel on the tree this year. You know how hard it is to find leather tinsel? And black mercury-glass balls? Last year all the figurines heads were missing Christmas morning. And all the bows were missing from the presents. No one would fess up but Caspian went through two bottles of Pepto Bismol. I'm not so sure I'll miss any of that kind of Holiday stress. And I've never been able to put the little train around the tree before. Leather Lad will be thrilled! He can derail it over and over and I have some little toy cars he can strand on the track. He's asked Santa for a chemistry set but I think that should wait at least another year. I don't think a Tickle-Me-Elmo could do any harm though.
Paraguay is lovely this time of year
Melvin's Top Tens
Halloween in Paraguay
The Nair Witch Project